


Lights will guide you home

by karasunotsubasa



Series: KageHina Week December 2014 [5]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: 3rd year hinata and kageyama, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Future Fic, LIKE EVER, M/M, and he can't play volleyball again, basically hinata's knees give out under the strain
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-11
Updated: 2014-12-11
Packaged: 2018-03-01 00:48:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,527
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2753387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/karasunotsubasa/pseuds/karasunotsubasa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kageyama is his guiding star.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lights will guide you home

**Author's Note:**

> KageHina Week December 2014  
> day 5  
> prompt: polaris - guiding star

Hinata might have not known that when he was still in middle school, and he might have doubted it in his first year of high school, but in his second, the fact that Kageyama was his guiding star was something he started taking comfort in. It was a ridiculous concept at first, they barely even knew each other back then, and calling their first meeting in junior high fate would be stretching it too far. It was only through coincidence that they met, and only through coincidence they chose the same high school. Right...?

At least that was how he used to think. But ever since then he came to know Kageyama a lot better, closer, more confidently. And that's when his mind started to change.

They were complete opposites, he and Kageyama. He was short, hair orange like the hottest of fires, skin sun-kissed by the hours of volleyball practice outside. Kageyama, on the other hand, was tall, hair dark as the night and complexion pale as the moon. Even in character they clashed, him naturally happy-go-lucky and boisterous, Kageyama - who of course had his fare share of bouts of screaming, but only when provoked - generally quieter and more self-controlled.  

Yet somehow, despite all that divided them, they could get along better than most. Studying was one thing they completely agreed on and the other... The other was volleyball.

Hinata remembered the struggle during their first year, how they starved to improve, how they had to battle it out with always stronger opponents all the time, how every match was a teeth-and-nail fight to keep their ground. Now he looked back fondly at those times, the hand of time making him aware of the importance of moving forward by tackling ever higher obstacles. But back then he was impatient. Pushing, pushing and pushing, even when he could not bear the pressure anymore.

It was Kageyama who was always there to help him up. Kageyama stopped him when he was on the brink of dropping from exhaustion, Kageyama was there when he was brooding after yet another loss, Kageyama has always been there, seemingly only standing in silence and pointing his hand forward - to the court. When the upperclassmen graduated and the gym suddenly got too quiet, air too heavy and stifling with the sudden change, Kageyama was the one to pick up the ball first, and as if by magic the others moved too. Hinata rushed into his well-trained spiking motion before he could think about what he was doing.

That was Kageyama. His guiding star, his compass - always showing him what to do, always pointing him in the right direction. And the only direction for him, for them, was volleyball.

So when during his third year it was forcibly taken away from him, Hinata was lost. Not even Kageyama could help him now, he believed. How could he? Kageyama could point to the court all he wanted, he could serve and spike the ball in his face all he wanted. But Hinata... He would never be able to play again.

Long into the night he continued sobbing into his pillow at the cruelty of the world. He tried so hard, he trained and practiced, blood and sweat coating his body. All the years he spent dreaming, all the times he kept hoping. Everything was lost now. He could never fly again.

He wanted to scream, wake up from this nightmare, but it was real. It was his life now. His knees could no longer support his wild jumps, and without those... without those Hinata was nothing.

He was never a good player to begin with, he wasn't a genius like Kageyama, he had no inborn talent. Everything he had was through his own hard work, through the effort he put into practice, through his dedication to the sport. And that was his downfall.

He pushed when he should have rested, he played when he should have watched, he ignored the discomfort when he should have gotten it checked out.

There were many things Hinata would have done differently, if only he was given a chance. But the one he had, he used up wrong. And life gave no second chances.

Hinata curled on his bed, bringing his knees to his face, and muffled a sob in his fist. It was over, everything... His dreams, his youth, volleyball... He had no right to return there, he was useless to them, a ballast no one needed...

He twitched and then froze, when the door to his room screeched open. There was no light on, the sky already dark outside, and Hinata hoped that whoever it was, would get a hint and just leave him alone, but he wasn't so lucky. There was a sigh as the person stepped into the room and the closing door screeched again.

"Why didn't you come to practice?" The lights blinked on, and Hinata squeezed his eyes shut at Kageyama's voice. He didn't want to see him, hear him, be around him. It was too painful, too much a reminder of what he has lost... "Everyone's worried."

"Would you got to practice if you were in my shoes?" he asked, his position unchanged. His chest hurt. He just wanted to be left alone, and cry.

There was a long silence during which Kageyama sat down at the edge of his bed, Hinata felt the mattress dip in. It seemed as if it was in another lifetime that he voluntarily reached for Kageyama's presence, because now, all he could discern in his heart was regret, bitterness and resentment.

It was so quiet for a time that Hinata thought Kageyama forgot about his question, but he was wrong.

"No," Kageyama's voice was hushed, barely above a whisper. "I wouldn't."

They stayed silent after that, Hinata not really wanting to talk, and he guessed Kageyama didn't know what was safe to talk about. He relaxed as the silence stretched from seconds to minutes, and he might have fallen asleep, lulled by Kageyama's soft breathing, if it continued any longer.

"It's not over, you know," Kageyama suddenly said, his voice loud as a shotgun in the quiet of the room. "There are rehabilitation centres and special training programs, you could start over if-"

Hinata laughed. High-pitched, bordering on hysterical, as hot tears streamed down his face, body shaking with sobs or laughter, he didn't even know himself. Start over? Why? What was the point of enduring all that pain again? Going through all the practicing?

He finally stopped laughing, feeling the void open in his heart. He was empty. He couldn't get excited anymore, not like he used to. Playing volleyball again... It would never be the same.

He sat up, looking straight at Kageyama, who was watching him without a word this whole time. Hinata's whole face itched from crying.

"I can't do it," he said, and even to his own ears his voice sounded flat, broken. "I don't have any strength left to fight, Kageyama. I..."

He stopped, unsure of what more to say, and he looked away from Kageyama's intense eyes. There was a time when he could take his glare head on, but now...

"Do you hate it?" Kageyama asked, strangely soft, as if fearing his response. "Volleyball?"

"Of course not!" Hinata's lips trembled at the pang of longing in his heart. He wanted to play, he wanted to practice, with everyone... "I could never hate it... I could never-"

A sob tore out of his mouth, and he bowed his head, letting the fresh tears fall. Volleyball was everything to him, his passion, his friends, his memories, his _life_. He could never hate it. But right now, loving it was too painful, so painful he wished he could hate it just the tiniest bit.

Kageyama shifted closer and pulled him into a hug. Hinata stiffened at the feeling of Kageyama's palm gently rubbing circles at his back. Somehow... Somehow it felt right, it felt safe, and Hinata let everything go, clutching to Kageyama with all his might.

"Then don't give up," Kageyama demanded, strong arms tightening around Hinata's fragile form. "Stay strong, you can do this. And I will be there for you, every step of the way. To guide you, to hold you, to support you when you fall. Whatever you need."

Hinata leaned his forehead on Kageyama's shoulder. Could he believe him? Was he able to do this? Could Kageyama keep this promise? Hinata knew he could. Or rather he wanted to believe he could. It would take years for him to get back to what he lost. Was he ready to keep on fighting? Just because he loved the sport?

"Every step of the way?" he asked for confirmation, as if afraid Kageyama would take back his words.

But he didn't. He only tugged him closer, and whispered right into his ear, "Even the smallest."

And Hinata believed him. And believed in him.

Because Kageyama has always been there to guide him, to show him the right direction. And this time, like all the other times before, Hinata would trust him.

He would trust in his guiding star.

**Author's Note:**

> title from 'fix you' by coldplay bc I've been listening to it while writing and just ouch my heart ;u;


End file.
